romkira

Grah would be a most excellent choice in emotions.

All right, things with Richard are...well, going.

As in we're talking, hanging out, and I have no fucking clue where the hell our relationship is or how to even put it into a category because I'm not sure what he'd put it as.

So mostly I'm going with, I love talking to him. I love his company. Hell, I pretty much love everything about him. (not going into details in a public post).

So I'm enjoying what I have until he makes a decision?

Or me. I've pretty much made up my mind and told him. Maybe I'll remind him later.

On other fronts: Still no fucking clue if we're going to Japans. People need to stop asking me. I DON'T KNOW!!!

We're planning a trip to Texas in June, with perhaps stops in Alabama on the way there and Tennessee on the way back. To visit you people whom I haven't seen. And last chance hangings outs withs with those I might not see again for a while.

And a wedding next year May!!! Le Squee.

Jonathon

I have been having violent mood swings since Sunday.

Close to the whole 'bi-polarism'. No, I'm not. It's what I call an 'example'.

I'm hoping to hell it has to do with the shittiness that is work. Because I'm always horrible in the evenings.

So much anger tonight.

Oh noes!!! I haven't posted in almost a year!!!

How the hell are you? I'm 35 pounds lighter and dropping.

Plus, I may/may not be moving to JAPANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot wait to buy panties from a vending machine.

I hate not writing for a while. It always takes longer to get back into the writey mood. For now, I have something brewing. No idea what, but I've been tempted to update my online blog/journal shit again. Like everything else in my life, it'll be half-assed. It's fun for a while but then it just gets old.

All right, for those of you who don't know *checks list of friends* that'd be Jon, I had/have HPV. For the past couple of years it was a 'low grade infection'. So this Oct the disease upped a level to mid grade, my doc freaked, and in Dec I had a LEEP done. (It's electricity, thin metal, and cauterizing fun) Which was fine. I tried to stay off my feet and did as little as possible so my body would heal.

Now my profile (military get out of physical training term) ended Jan 2, they wouldn't give me another one, and I was told not to exercise too heavily. It's been two months (almost) since the surgery so I thought surely by now I'd be up to at least getting myself back into shape since I have to pass a test in two weeks.

Yeah I was wrong. Fucking shit hurts tonight. And started bleeding a bit.

Way to go me.

so, um, Richard finally told me the truth(?) about him seeing someone else for the past few months.

Yeah. Don't miss him at all anymore. Sad thing is he's told me so many conflicting things for the past few months I can't tell what's truth and what isn't from him. *sigh* and he's such an interesting person. Ah well, life moves on.

And Emilie sent the most wonderful email to me when I was still shocked full of truths. *hugs in her direction* you're awesome Em.

Nap this afternoon: something about a girl who had a dragon or magic or Talent. She's lost it and wandering through this maze of a house with random people. She's told to go to the room within a room that only appears once you've entered. Really weird shit dreams are.
Must write down the Slewell thing one day too.

I hate an awesome dream wed morning about these elf/pixie/little people things that were attacking me. Some would die when sunlight hit them; others when moonlight touched them. Going to write down more and see if it's short story or children story worthyish.

So of course last night I had a dream about Richard. That call fucked over my head and heart a lot more than I'm willing to admit, so my subconscious took over.

I keep telling myself he didn't want me and he's not coming back, get the fuck over it already!!! How come the only person I'm not a good listener for is myself?

Well, that phone call was a bit more painful that I thought it would be. And now I'm just letting him hurt me more. Yay me. Okay, I didn't really expect to be over him, but with the way he's been ignoring me for the past FOREVER I really didn't expect a call. There was a lot of silence. And I believe the word sorry was said a lot. Yeah.

In conjuction with the e-mail, I believe anything coming from him a lie or partial truth. Hmm, maybe if I tell Sharon I care and how sorry I am, she'll be more willing to give me the stuff I'm actually concerned about.

His actions haven't been backing up his words.

There is an up side to this. Now I know what I want in/from a relationship with a guy. Yay?

Today was actually the first time I've been really pissed off at him. Ever. Usually it ranges from hurt to numb where he's concerned lately.

So tonight I was supposed to be playing Final Fantasy XII. So instead I'm editing my LiveJournal website. One I had forgotten existed. Mainly because I don't think I've ever died so often in so short a time in any game I've ever played.

And I'm enjoying the incongruity of my user pic, the journal settings, and my goth-girl emoticons.

*whispers* and no one knows I'm here.